Monday, October 27, 2008

Dirty Martin's

In 1926, Austin had a population of 45,000. There was no UT tower and no damns on the Colorado river. I-35 was a dirt road, resembling the Chisholm Trail. There was no airport in town and horses still trotted up and down Congress Avenue. And on Guadalupe Street, Dirty Martin’s opened. I imagine some of its first customers arrived on horseback.

On the first cold night of the year, in the fall of 2008, Matt and Ed’s Austin Burger Odyssey continued to this relic of the past. It claims to be the oldest continuously operated restaurant in Austin. It is famous for its greasy burgers, which sounded mighty good to FriedEd and BurgerMatt as they still struggled with their weekend hangovers on Monday night.

On this night, the Austin Burger Odyssey was joined by Jay. In FriedEd’s mind, Jay has two major flaws: he is a Republican and a Redskins fan. FriedEd is not sure which is worse, but fortunately Jay is a stand up guy and this greatly overwhelms his other flaws in FriedEd’s mind and so he is well liked. But, as Jay was late, our Odyssey needed something to hold it over and ordered the queso and chips. Not usually reviewed here, but Dirty’s must have the best queso of any burger joint in Austin. The queso cup was clean white when we were finished with it.

In addition to Burger joints, the Odyssey also likes to discuss chicks and football. Preferably chicks playing football naked, but since this rarely happens they are usually separate topics, and both were covered on this night. The chick conversation will have to remain silent for this PG-13 blog and so while we are still pretty damn excited about the Longhorns, the Cowboys needed our attention. After careful analysis of the standings, and finally pulling up the Cowboys remaining schedule on the cell phone (damn 1926 wiring), it was decided that the Cowboys would definitely lose in New York next week. But, after that game, with a healthy squad returning after a bye week the Boys would kick it into high gear and finish out the season winning 5 of their last 7 and be peaking by playoff time. Suffice it to say, RedskinJay had a different opinion. But, I digress, is this a burger blog or what?

It was recommended by the staff that the OT and DH burgers were the signature burgers, so BurgerMatt and FriedEd split up the duty on this one. FriedEd had the OT, piled with bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and a nice buttery bun. BurgerMatt had the DH burger, which was appropriate as its initials were the same as his pseudonym (see below). It was a super impressive burger, and dirty, and required lots of napkins. FriedEd’s cholesterol shot off the charts with this one but his tongue was happy.

FriedEd also ordered the fries. Not real hungry to start after the queso destruction and three Dr. Peppers, the fries were only average but apparently covered in crack, and FriedEd likes some good fried crack. Not even knowing what he was doing, FriedEd gobbled down a whole basket as though his very existence as a human being depended on it, as though if he stopped eating them he would cease breathing. After this attack, a greasy bag was all that remained. On a related sidenote, it was also proved that FriedEd is a much better ketchup pourer than is BurgerMatt. Oh, and BurgerMatt can be easily tricked into holding the ketchup bottle upside down.

Finally, in anticipation of getting really big, Matt and Ed have decided that they need pseudonyms to disguise their names in public so that the restaurant staff does not know we are around. FriedEd picked the names and these are the names we will use for each other in the restaurants. Of course, these names must remain secret, but to let our loyal readers know, we will reveal one new letter a week. Here are the first letters. FriedEd: “C” BurgerMatt: “D”

Hamburger: 93

Fries: 85

Dr. Pepper: 90

Average Score of Chicks around: 80

Stomach feeling one hour later: 70

Likelihood the Cowboys make the playoffs: 70%

Very well written I must say by FriedED.

The DH burger was, and I say this with great enthusiasm for all those who like greasy burgers, greasy and exceptional. The best burger to date. Served somewhat different than your normal burger, the DH was served on two pieces of buttered Texas toast. Two patties with some sauteed onions a pickle and some mustard, exactly what the doctored ordered for a hang over. Dirty Martin's gets extra props for the free refills, this is the first place to have this, as well as the option of a beer with a burger. Lone Star beer on tap is always an added bonus and gets great bonus points. This place is what you would love a good burger joint to look like, old fashioned and smelling like burger and a bar next to the grill.

I knew it was a good burger when all three of us ummm and groaned after the first two bites. Jay even ordered fried mushrooms which were awesome and which were hot, FriedEds tongue is proof of that.

As for the fries not my favorite, but the burger was worth the visit alone. This will be a strong recommendation for a hang over burger to all my friends visiting.

Burger 92

Fries 83

Seeing FriedEd burn his tongue on a fried mushroom: Priceless

2 comments:

Jomme said...

Would that be Matt "DB" Flamant?

BurgerMatt said...

nope but its on the same lines.